As we are told time and time again by our glorious political leaders, we no longer have a class system in the UK. We now have meritocracy. This means you are only successful if you aspire to be and by your hard work you can make something of your life, for example Cameron himself.

He dragged himself off a council estate in Tottenham to become Prime Minister of Great Britain. He was raised alone by his crack smoking mother, as his dad was in and out of prison for benefit fraud and petty crimes. His mother, also a heroin addict and part time prostitute was rarely home and little David grew up in abject poverty, surviving on beans on toast (hence his complexion). The fact that he managed to get where he is today by his own merit is an example to us all.

There is however, someone even more remarkable than him. Someone who’s meteoric rise to the top makes a mockery of the three million unemployed who constantly whine about the lack of jobs and opportunities. Someone who proves categorically that regardless of where you were born, what class you were born into, however humble your childhood was, if you are prepared to work hard and dedicate your self you can rise to the top.

We are talking of course, about the poster girl for our new meritocracy, Her Royal Highness the Queen of England. She has by her own merit clawed her way to becoming one of the richest people on the planet. By her hard work and sacrifice she has a personal wealth of £17 Billion. She technically owns every single bit of land in the UK and all the beaches. She owns four palaces and numerous other properties.

The girl has done so well for herself she employs a man who’s job it is to ensure that when she is at Windsor her cutlery is Straight and all the chairs at the table line up. That is his only job. She has two people employed to keep her fires alight. One man has the sole job of looking after the flag on Windsor castle and yet another to ensure that all the clocks are reading the correct time.

Her kids think nothing of going out on the razz in London and spending £4,000 on champagne and driving cars worth more than the whinny dole scrounging scum will earn in a lifetime. As you contemplate this staggering display of opulence, remember she did this herself, by her own merit and hard work.

So next time you worry about paying your gas bill or having enough food to feed your family, remember little Liz and what she accomplished with her life. I suggest you put a huge portrait of her on your wall to serve as a reminder as to what YOU could accomplish with YOUR life if only you got off your fat arse.

May I also suggest you spend money you have not got celebrating her upcoming diamond Jubilee and you use this opportunity to be thankful she exists. You can forget your pathetic life for a day and bask in her reflective glory, get emotional with neighbors you have never met before you will never speak to again. Be thankful that you live in Britain (cue the damn buster music) a fair and decent country where every single person is treated equally. A country where no class system exists and instead we reward people for their merits alone. God bless the Queen John.

I can only say if you are poor, shame on you.

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